Coping
Divorce is emotionally and mentally taxing and single-momming is like running a marathon at a sprint pace. While there is no way to entirely remove the discomfort, here are a few things that you can do to retain your sanity on a day to day basis.
Lean on a Support Network: If you can, surround yourself with supportive friends, family, or other moms who have gone through divorce. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t have a strong network nearby - reach out to old friends, lean into phone calls and text away. It's easy to lose touch with friends and become withdrawn when life gets overwhelmingly busy. However, finding small ways to connect can be rewarding, and it's important to embrace those opportunities without feeling guilty or pressured. Online communities and support groups can also be great resources for advice and emotional support. Do what works for you to connect.
Be Present with Your Children: Be honest with your children at a level appropriate to their age. Assure them that the divorce is not their fault and that both parents will continue to love and support them. As hard as it can be to stay plugged in to your kids when you are dealing with your own dark days, do your best - you’ll be very glad you did when you look back on this tough time. Try to break up your usual routine with ‘field trips’ to attractions in and around your area - just going to a new park, or a different town can excite the kids and give you some perspective. Be sure to build in time for yourself so you can recharge as often as possible.
Focus on Self-care: Prioritize your physical and mental well-being. Regular exercise, mindfulness activities, and therapy can help reduce stress and improve your emotional resilience. It’s easy to lean into bad habits during a time of such intense stress - chips and chardonnay are only a quick fix though, and inevitably leave you feeling worse.
One thing I've definitely learned is that starting my day with some form of exercise gives me a noticeable boost of energy. This was especially challenging when I could no longer afford a gym membership. For years, I'd gone to the gym daily, and it was a crucial part of maintaining my physical and mental well-being. But when finances became tight and I had two young kids at home, I had to get creative. The simplest solution was taking walks with the kids. However, if you prefer something on your own schedule, there are plenty of online options. You can find videos for yoga or various other exercises to do in the mornings before the kids wake up, after they go to bed, or while they're at school. These routines help maintain that sense of energy and relaxation, even when time and money are tight.
One important thing to remember is that food acts as medicine in many ways, deeply influencing your mood and energy levels. Carbs, sugar and chemical-laden junk food, in particular, can leave you feeling drained. It's easy to gravitate toward comfort foods, but while they may offer short-term relief, they often have negative effects, clouding your mind and depleting your energy. Rather than eliminating them entirely or being overly strict, I've found that making more balanced, healthier choices significantly boosts my energy. And for a single mom, energy is everything—alongside time, it’s our most valuable resource. I used to get frustrated with this - sometimes still do! It felt like the only way I could enjoy myself in between a demanding job and kids, was by having a glass of wine at the end of the day or grabbing a muffin in the afternoon when I wanted a break. But over time, I realized it’s not about feeling deprived of those moments—it’s about truly prioritizing yourself and recognizing that some choices, while comforting in the moment, don’t serve your long-term well-being.
If you haven’t tried therapy yet, it’s worth considering. I understand it can be tough to fit an appointment into your schedule, but with virtual options now widely available and affordable, it’s easier than ever to access the support you need. There is no way I would have made it this far, this well, without that kind of support.